Three Years Ago Today

This will always be a difficult day.

One Year Ago Today

Two Years Ago Today

If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please, seek help, 1-800-SUICIDE, that's 1-800-784-2433. Killing yourself may end your pain, but it only creates more for those left behind.

Winnie

Winnie, another of my grandoggers, is missing Gibbs. Part of our morning routine is that she’d come into my room and lay down to the left of me, Gibbs on my right. Then I’d sing them their own little ditty (don’t judge me), and when I was done they’d reach over me, meeting in the middle. And kiss. This morning Winnie jumped on my bed and kept looking over at Gibbs’ spot. I sang to her, but she just couldn’t seem to muster any enthusiasm.

 

When I fixed her breakfast she wouldn’t eat at first. She kept walking around the kitchen and then went over and sat near Gibbs’ bed we keep by the sliding glass door. (We kept beds all over the house for him because of his old arthritic bones.) It took her awhile, but she finally ate.

I keep telling her Gibbs is all gone, making the hand motions we do when we give them treats and they’re all gone. I don’t know what else to do but to acknowledge that I understand she’s looking for her buddy.

One Year Ago Today

Letting go of the things that are weighing us down is key to recovering one's joy. I’ve been working on getting through a certain sadness for almost a year now and I believe I have made a breakthrough.

I’ve mentioned before that my daughters and I were in a pretty horrific accident. It was a year ago today, but it sometimes seems like yesterday, or even a moment ago. Reliving that man’s suicide when he walked in front of our car (while I was driving almost 65 mph, in the dark, on a major highway) is a difficult thing to NOT do, but I realized I have been making it worse by carrying around a constant reminder of it.

The other night I was cleaning out my big ol’ purse, and there they were, the photos of my car we took at the junk yard, wrapped in a copy of the police report. I’ve been lugging those things around for a year, everywhere I went. I rarely looked at them, but still, there they were, like the proverbial monkey on my back and I didn’t even realize it! *slaps forehead* I made the conscious decision right then and there, even announced to my daughters that it’s time I put them away, let it go now. So although my daughters and I are trying to move past the tragedy, we will never forget that night. Another person's choice to die will forever be a part of our lives, but we can't let it ruin it.

If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please, seek help, 1-800-SUICIDE, that's 1-800-784-2433. Killing yourself may end your pain, but it only creates more for those left behind.